She gasped; her heart tripped over itself at seeing her belongings. It was like seeing a beloved friend after an extended absence. Rushing to Kai’s side, Ellinor’s fingers danced over her combat armor, reverently fluttering over the familiar worn edges; she pulled it close to her face and inhaled.
The armor Misho had gifted her hadn’t been lost.
She closed her eyes and saw Misho smiling back at her, his bright amber eyes flashing in delight as he watched her put the armor on. She could feel his long, graceful fingers trailing her curves as he appreciated how the fine craftsmanship hugged her body. She saw him lean down to kiss her, his full lips just a breath away—
Kai gruffly cleared his throat, and Ellinor’s eyes snapped open.
“You need a minute alone with it, Ell? Bit of privacy maybe?” Kai said, wiggling his bushy red eyebrows at her.
Ellinor frowned and cradled the gear to her chest. “Don’t be absurd. And what did I say about calling me Ell?”
“You said not to.”
“Damn right! Traitors who collar me with despicable and inhumane technology aren’t allowed to call me Ell. We’re not friends, Kai. Not anymore.”
Her heart twisted further. She didn’t want to push Kai away, not really, not again. But how was she supposed to forgive him?
“Ah, c’mon, it ain’t that bad! How can it be? It’s just a blasted piece of magic bio-tech. Just means you can’t cast is all. You don’t need abilities to kick ass. Besides, I done told you it ain’t personal. Don’t mean we can’t be friends, or friendly with each other, anyways. We were thick, you and me, not that long ago. Nothing’s gotta change unless you want it to.”
But everything had changed. Nothing felt or even tasted the same anymore, thanks to Cosmin. And Kai helped him.
Ellinor growled, “Don’t talk about things you know nothing about!”
Cosmin’s profession was in smuggling and selling illegal magitech and weapons. They harnessed natural magic and, when combined in a bullet or shackle like Ellinor’s, had devastating effects. Such items were highly regulated by the politicians and police, making them a hot commodity in the ground level markets. Cosmin was well versed in the effect his device had on Ellinor, it was his specialty.
She jabbed her finger in Kai’s chest, the bouncer bots buzzing a warning at his side. “You have no idea what this is like. What this feels like. What this does to a caster. This isn’t like those shit cuffs you had me in. I could still feel my magic. I could still summon it. This? It would be like me taking your hands away. There would just be a dead, empty space where your hands used to be. There wouldn’t even be phantom pains reminding you that your hands were once a part of you. Only a gap of where something vital to you once was.”
She took a step back, stuffing her hands under her arms, clutching her armor tight to her chest, as the automatons continued to buzz. “I can understand why you wouldn’t recognize the hole you’ve left me to fester in without my abilities, but Cosmin sure as shit does. He knows exactly the kind of hollow emptiness that comes with neutering a caster. Of how it makes you feel like you aren’t even a person anymore. So don’t you dare pretend that it’s just business because you’re hoping Cosmin will let you into his bed one day. It’s never happening, Kai!
“Once this job is done, I never want to see you again.” She shuddered reflexively. “If I do, abilities or not, my face will be the last thing you ever see. You got that?”
His shoulders drooped, and he took a step back. Kai was not magically inclined. He had no idea what it felt like to be cut off from a piece of himself so completely he couldn’t even feel a whisper of it anywhere.
Kai wouldn’t meet her eyes. His chin sagged to his chest, and he jerked his thumb back toward the door. “You just come out when you’re ready. Be quick, though. Cosmin’s expecting us to shove off soon.”